Thank you for sharing elements of your painful and turbulent journey. It takes a lot of courage to revisit such trauma let alone write a book. Kudos to you and I will purchase your book soon IA.
Alas! It was very much heart breaking to hear your story, whatever it is, kudos to that man who stood with you. Hope you relieved from it. I will try to purchase your book, Thank you.
I’m really loving your Substack! I’ve ordered your book and can’t wait to read it. My ex- husband was a gaslighter and I thought I was inadequate for 20 years. I have never been happier since we split. I’m also of the feminist intellectual genre of human and could not see the narcissism until I got out of the relationship. My stepdaughter pointed it out to me and I was truly floored. It’s so obvious now. So we live and learn, and heal and thrive. Big hugs from Sydney 🐨
Thank you for sharing. I was very pained and shocked to read of your experience. Pained because I identify with what you went through at a very personal level, my head nodding at every line. Shocked because in my silly head, I assumed friends like you were simply too strong for something like this to happen to them. I forgot, and perhaps your public persona has something to do with it, that we are all human after all. I am glad to see you come out of this stronger and thanks for sharing your experience with the world.
I would be remiss if I didn't say that there is always a way out and your writing certainly gives your readers and others experiencing similar pain an avenue to internalize and fight back and regain their sense of self.
I have also found that to regain myself, I had to confront mysel and address my faults and tendencies head on and sometimes, a bit brutally. I wasn't too kind on myself and that was hard but over time as I learnt to unlearn things I took for gospel. I also had all kinds of offers of 'help' to heal and I figured those were as much a sham as the gaslighting. You had to keep your own counsel. I also found a deeply spiritual calling in the process.
I would love to read about your experiences post-facto, regaining what you'd lost, and your view of 'healing', a word I find has become such a woke commercial enterprise these days.
You are right about their intelligence. It crosses cultures and generations but they all use the same tired techniques. My mother and sister are gaslighters. It's so frustrating!!
I can't help but think of the handshake the performed reality we agree to uphold and the heartbeat, which is the brutal, quiet knowledge of what's actually true. Gaslighting is the systematic destruction of the heartbeat by the force of the handshake. Your essay is a necessary act of pulling back the curtain on that machinery, both in intimate relationships and on the global stage.
The most chilling part is the structure of it. The genius of the gaslighter isn't complexity; it's relentlessness. It's the grinding down, the exhaustion of the will. They don't need to be clever; they just need to be louder and more persistent than your own truth. They understand something about the engine the relentless drive to function, to perform normalcy and they weaponize it. You start to doubt your own heartbeat not because it's quiet, but because you're too tired to listen anymore.
Thank you for this. It's a lifeline for anyone still trapped in that room where the furniture keeps moving.
❝ The gaslighter doesn't need you to believe them. They just need you to stop believing yourself. ❞
Excellent analysis and the way you put the aggressor and the victim 👏 and what do call the person who say things and later blame on you..how long did it took you to figure out about your ex 's character, thanks for Sharing Fatima
Thank you for this. I had read your Substack posts, and really looked forward to digging in to the book club readings. As a writer, you pack what needs to be unpacked about culture and politics right now.
But also right now it is really hard to dig into complex works, and also to focus on completing my own writing drafts. I find myself skimming, scrolling, and generally saying arrrgh!?!
Thank you for sharing elements of your painful and turbulent journey. It takes a lot of courage to revisit such trauma let alone write a book. Kudos to you and I will purchase your book soon IA.
Alas! It was very much heart breaking to hear your story, whatever it is, kudos to that man who stood with you. Hope you relieved from it. I will try to purchase your book, Thank you.
NB : I am obsessed with your writings.
I’m really loving your Substack! I’ve ordered your book and can’t wait to read it. My ex- husband was a gaslighter and I thought I was inadequate for 20 years. I have never been happier since we split. I’m also of the feminist intellectual genre of human and could not see the narcissism until I got out of the relationship. My stepdaughter pointed it out to me and I was truly floored. It’s so obvious now. So we live and learn, and heal and thrive. Big hugs from Sydney 🐨
Dear Fati,
Thank you for sharing. I was very pained and shocked to read of your experience. Pained because I identify with what you went through at a very personal level, my head nodding at every line. Shocked because in my silly head, I assumed friends like you were simply too strong for something like this to happen to them. I forgot, and perhaps your public persona has something to do with it, that we are all human after all. I am glad to see you come out of this stronger and thanks for sharing your experience with the world.
I would be remiss if I didn't say that there is always a way out and your writing certainly gives your readers and others experiencing similar pain an avenue to internalize and fight back and regain their sense of self.
I have also found that to regain myself, I had to confront mysel and address my faults and tendencies head on and sometimes, a bit brutally. I wasn't too kind on myself and that was hard but over time as I learnt to unlearn things I took for gospel. I also had all kinds of offers of 'help' to heal and I figured those were as much a sham as the gaslighting. You had to keep your own counsel. I also found a deeply spiritual calling in the process.
I would love to read about your experiences post-facto, regaining what you'd lost, and your view of 'healing', a word I find has become such a woke commercial enterprise these days.
Thanks again for sharing.
In Solidarity.
Bharat
Love your writing. Meditation and boundaries. Born alone, die alone. The rest is the test. 😔
You are right about their intelligence. It crosses cultures and generations but they all use the same tired techniques. My mother and sister are gaslighters. It's so frustrating!!
I can't help but think of the handshake the performed reality we agree to uphold and the heartbeat, which is the brutal, quiet knowledge of what's actually true. Gaslighting is the systematic destruction of the heartbeat by the force of the handshake. Your essay is a necessary act of pulling back the curtain on that machinery, both in intimate relationships and on the global stage.
The most chilling part is the structure of it. The genius of the gaslighter isn't complexity; it's relentlessness. It's the grinding down, the exhaustion of the will. They don't need to be clever; they just need to be louder and more persistent than your own truth. They understand something about the engine the relentless drive to function, to perform normalcy and they weaponize it. You start to doubt your own heartbeat not because it's quiet, but because you're too tired to listen anymore.
Thank you for this. It's a lifeline for anyone still trapped in that room where the furniture keeps moving.
❝ The gaslighter doesn't need you to believe them. They just need you to stop believing yourself. ❞
https://substack.com/@leenadalal26/note/p-195492612?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=77j4p
Thank you!
Excellent analysis and the way you put the aggressor and the victim 👏 and what do call the person who say things and later blame on you..how long did it took you to figure out about your ex 's character, thanks for Sharing Fatima
Thank you for this. I had read your Substack posts, and really looked forward to digging in to the book club readings. As a writer, you pack what needs to be unpacked about culture and politics right now.
But also right now it is really hard to dig into complex works, and also to focus on completing my own writing drafts. I find myself skimming, scrolling, and generally saying arrrgh!?!
Frank George
Finally got the description 'gaslighting'. And growing ahead organically.